


Void (Levi x Reader)

by innerfanfics



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 神撃のバハムート | Shingeki no Bahamut | Rage of Bahamut (Anime)
Genre: F/M, Modern Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Tall Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), aot - Freeform, aot need to read, fanfics that are better than sleep
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:55:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29766885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innerfanfics/pseuds/innerfanfics
Summary: It's been years since I left the Survey Corps. I'm living alright on my own, work is good too. Except for this emptiness I’m feeling, sometimes I get a hunch that there’s more to it. One day, I'll have to find out the reason behind it.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein & Reader, Jean Kirstein/Reader, Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first x reader fan fiction, I hope you like it! This story is 7 chapters. I'm open for comments and constructive feedback, please be nice.  
> The reader is 18+ since it shows sexual relationships.  
> Enjoy!
> 
> Note: Levi appears in chapter 3

* * *

It has been pouring all day. I look at my pocket watch to check the time and it’s only 4:30 in the afternoon. “It surely looks like dusk,” I thought to myself, sitting near the glass window, gazing outside at the raindrops that are puddling the library building grounds. Gloomy days like this one and the rain put me at ease sometimes. Knowing that the outside world can match my inner one somehow relaxes me. Might sound selfish I know, but at this point, the emptiness inside me looks for anything to relate to…to connect with.

I let out a deep sigh and glance at my empty pocket watch, the side where a sentimental photo usually is. “Maybe one day…” I mutter. I look outside one last time before getting up and leaving the library.

There was a book I wanted to borrow but I wouldn’t want to risk wetting it as I get home under the rain. As I’m walking out, I see Armin sitting at one of the library desks, completely immersed in the book he’s reading. I smile to myself. Usually, we’d greet each other since he is a dear friend of mine, but I decide not to interrupt him. Besides, the look in his eyes suggests that whatever he’s reading took him to a whole different world. That’s what I love about the library, getting the chance to escape reality for a bit.

Escaping reality…that’s all I was thinking about coming to Paradis Island with my mother years ago. I was halfway across the world reading about this place as if it’s some sort of fantasy in a children’s book. I would always drag mom to the book stores to show her all the books about this island. She would read to me about it every night before bed. Soon enough, mom fell in love with it too. She promised me that one day we would get out of our place, leaving behind all the unhappiness we went through. Despite Paradis being so far away from where I was, it still felt like a possible idea to me.

Sure enough, we were able to get aboard one of the large cargo ships from our island. My mother’s childhood friend worked there and she snuck us in. It was a risky thing to do but she knew how bad we wanted to leave…she knew how much we wanted to run away. Honestly, it was all thanks to her that we got to Paradis. We hid for 3 weeks on that ship, almost getting caught multiple times, but thankfully they never found out about us.

Unfortunately, mom got sick throughout our whole journey, and there wasn’t any medication around for her to use. Some days she would get better, but I would always find her somehow getting worse after those good days. I stayed by her side every night, despite me being really young and falling asleep before she did. Both of us were afraid, but what would help ease it all is her gentle whispers at night while she caresses my head. “We’ll get to our paradise dear, don’t you worry your little head” is what I heard her saying once.

She only spent a few days here until she was gone. I remember some people were kind enough to take us in. Mom slept the whole time but I was able to catch her before she had her final sleep. Squeezing her hand with tears streaming down my cheeks, “Mommy, aren’t we going to enjoy our paradise together?” I sobbed. She managed to grab my head closer and pecks my forehead, “I’m so glad we finally got here,” she smiles and wipes the tears off my face. “Why don’t you try making new friends?” she points to the window, “Look, they’re playing outside. Go have some fun.” I nod while sniffing then walk towards the door. “Y/n,” she gently calls. “Take care of yourself, sweetheart.” She kindly smiles at me. “Yes, mommy.” I smile back and head out. Little did I know, that was the last time I’d see her smile.

I went from orphanage to orphanage after she passed. Somehow I managed to blur out my childhood memories of that time. Or maybe because I thought I was in paradise. I still forget that she’s gone sometimes. I hope she’s up there looking down proudly. Her daughter is in her 20’s now, living alright I guess. I got my own little place, work is good too. The only thing I imagine her to complain about is me not having a partner. I find myself giggling at that thought. It would happen one day I guess, it’s just not a priority of mine.

Heading outside from the library, it’s pouring heavily and my clothes are getting wet. “Ah damn it, where’s my umbrella when I need it” I hiss at myself, taking off my long black coat and covering my head with it while running under the rain. On my way home, I spot Eren, Mikasa, Jean, and Sasha sheltering under one of the shops’ attached umbrellas. Sasha notices and excitedly waves at me from afar “Y/N!!” She yells and motions her hand for me to come over. I run quickly to them.

“Where’s this little posse heading to?” I say while panting a little and smiling. They all greet me, Sasha goes in for a hug like always. I love her hugs. Jean pats my head attempting to wipe the water. “Oi, we wouldn’t want you drowning in this rain,” he laughs. Jean likes to tease me, even though I’m not considered that short. I hit his arm playfully, “For the record, I can actually swim.” I tease back. He grabs my arm and pulls me closer, annoyed, “Hey! That arrogant bastard might hear you!” Eren turns to Jean, “You can’t swim either? What can you actually do?” He says mockingly. Eren and Jean start to bicker.

“We’re going to get some drinks, it’s quite gloomy today. Come with us,” Mikasa speaks gently as she holds my hand. I nod, “Sure, Armin and Connie not coming?”

“Connie is already there ordering us food,” Sasha drools. Mikasa checks her watch, “Armin said he’d meet us there half an hour from now.”

“I saw him in the library just now, eyes wide open, face so close you’d think he’ll start making out with that book,” I laugh remembering the sight of him. Mikasa giggles softly, “Alright then, let’s hurry before it gets too dark.” She pulls away Eren and I pull Jean, and we start heading to the bar.

I look up at the sky, “See mom? I made friends just like you told me to. I wish you could meet them,” I mumble to myself quietly so no one hears. Jean notices and smiles gently. He puts his arm around my shoulder as we walk.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While I was enjoying my time at the bar with my friends, a mysterious man approached me. I wonder who could that be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight smut warning!

* * *

The bar wasn’t empty but it wasn’t too crowded either. I saw Connie sitting at a table with a few plates of food on it. As soon as Sasha got a glimpse of the table, she went flying, stuffing her face with food. I giggled, “Hey! Leave me some, I’m hungry too!”

“Y/N! Long time no see!” Connie cheered as he gets up to hug me and I hug back. Connie likes to give hugs too. I swear he and Sasha are like twins, two peas in a pod.

“Damn, you’re soaking wet,” Connie comments. “She forgot her umbrella, idiot!” Sasha manages to speak while stuffing her face mercilessly.

We all sit down at the table and I reach for the food, “Yeah well, I keep forgetting stuff. Good thing I didn’t forget I was hungry.” They all laugh, and we start eating and drinking, enjoying our time.

It’s moments like this where I feel like the emptiness inside me starts to fade. But, as soon as they end, it comes back as strong as ever. I never knew why I had such emptiness like this.

My friends and I all came from different backgrounds, but what brought us together is that we were serving in the military at some point in our lives. We were apart of a group called the Survey Corps. We carried out difficult missions and were traumatized by plenty of things. I’m just glad we got out alive, even though some of us got lifetime bruises and injuries. Waking up in a hospital once, I was told that I hit my head badly in one of the missions. That’s why I keep forgetting things, nothing more than minor stuff. But nonetheless, I think I’m doing just fine. Except for this blankness I’m feeling, sometimes I get a hunch that there’s more to it, but I just brush it off.

Jean snaps his fingers in front of my face trying to get my attention, “You okay?” he whispers.

I didn’t notice I was distracted by my own thoughts. “Yeah, no worries,” I pat his hand on the table and smile. I look over at the bar counter. “I’m just gonna ask if they serve any tea here,” I say as I get up and head over there.

“Excuse me sir, do you have green tea?”

“Yes ma’am, coming right-” the bartender gets cut off.

“Why don’t you give her that special tea I got you for the customers to try?”

I look to my left finding a tall blonde man sitting four seats away from where I’m standing. The bartender looks at me waiting for my response. “Okay sure, I’ll try something new,” I say looking at this mysterious man. I look over at Mikasa waving to get her attention, she looks at me and I mouth her, “I’ll stay here for a bit.” She nods and smiles.

The man comes over to sit next to me, “You know, people usually drink alcohol here, not tea,” he jokes gently with his deep voice.

I look at him, noticing his shiny blue eyes and smirk, “Why do you give out tea bags at bars then?” I tease lightly.

He chuckles, perceiving my sass, “Well…my friend asked me to. He’s kind of a tea expert,” the man explains. The bartender serves me the tea and as I pick it up to drink it the man stops me. “I think you should add a splash of milk to this one, my friend says it’ll strengthen the taste.” I do what he suggested and as I took my first sip, I felt the warmth of happiness and….familiarity. Why does this taste familiar? I wondered.

“Mmm, I can see why your friend is an expert,” I chuckle.

The man smiles, “I’m glad you like it.” He reaches out his hand, “I’m Erwin by the way, and you are?”

“Y/n, nice to meet you Erwin,” I reach my hand to shake his, but he takes it and plants a kiss on the backside of my palm, making me blush.

“Y/n, I’d like to take you to my friend’s tea shop. I think he’ll be glad to have you as one of his customers.”

I look over to my friends’ table and see Jean coming over to the counter. I turn back to Erwin.

“I’d love that,” I said lowering my voice.

“Meet you here tomorrow at noon?” Erwin smiles.

I nod standing up smiling and waving at him slightly. I go over to my friends’ table but I meet Jean halfway.

“That guy giving you any trouble?” Jean frowns looking at Erwin.

“No no, not at all. You worry about me too much, Jean.” I smile softly shaking my hands.

“Just making sure…we’re leaving by the way,” He puts his hand on my back to guide me to the door. He glares at Erwin.

“What’s wrong?” I ask. Jean shakes his head, leaving his hand on my back.

We stand by the door saying our goodbyes. Mikasa leaves with Eren, and Sasha with Connie, leaving me and Jean together. I see Connie winking at Jean, and Sasha giggling before leaving.

Jean takes off his coat and covers me, “Yours is wet already, I-I wouldn’t want you getting a cold,” he stutters.

I chuckled biting my lower lip slightly, “You walking me home Jeany?” I tease. He scratches the back of his head while blushing and chuckles, “You know I am.”

I hold his arm and we start walking.

We arrive at my apartment’s door and I take out my keys.

“Y/n, you’ll be alright?” Jean asks shyly.

“I’ve only had one drink you know, I was sipping tea for the rest of the night,” I giggle while shuffling for the right key.

Jean grabs my hand, pulls me closer and whispers, “But you’ve been alone for so long…”

I look up at him, then bury my face on his chest and breathe, “You think I don’t know that?”

He holds my chin lifting my head, and gazes at my lips, “When are you gonna let anyone in?”

I blush biting my lower lip, feeling my face turning red, and rest my hand on his chest, “Jean…” I whisper.

Jean slowly leans in and presses his lips on mine softly. I kiss back gently, he holds my face as he licks my lower lip asking for permission to taste my tongue. I hesitate at first but give in as soon as I taste his. It was a slight taste of alcohol. As we share a few tongue kisses he wraps his arms around my waist. He pulls away from the kiss tenderly, and lowers his head to kiss my neck.

I put my hand on his chest again but this time pushing him away lightly.

“You’re drunk Jean, go home.” I joke while opening my apartment’s door.

“Y/n, I-I”

I cut him off by planting a quick kiss on his cheek and enter my apartment. “Thanks Jeany,” I smiled. Closing the door, Jean is left blushing with a defeated look on his face. I rest my back on the door waiting for him to leave. I hear him letting out a big sigh, feeling him mumble under his palm, “You’re killing me y\n.” I chuckle, hearing him walking away, the sound of his steps slowly fading.

Jean and I have chemistry between us, I can’t deny that. But, I never want to take things too far with him. I cherish our friendship too much that I won’t let the complications of a relationship ruin that.

“He’s right though, when are you going to let someone in y/n?” I ask myself then shake my head at that thought, not wanting to overthink.

I walk inside and throw myself on the couch, taking a quick glimpse at my kitchen counter which wasn’t too far from the living room. Noticing the tea bags container almost empty, I smile to myself, “I hope I get some good tea flavors tomorrow.” I rest my head back, looking at the ceiling, feeling myself dozing off.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today's the day I get to try out new tea flavors with Erwin. I'm excited yet...somehow nervous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things start to get more interesting from here on out, thanks for reading!

* * *

“Shit, I’m late,” I pant while entering my work’s building. Last night’s doze on the couch was not a good idea, I woke up this morning rushing. Not to mention, I also had terrible nightmares. Haven’t got those in a while. They wake me up in sweats and an awful headache. These are all probably due to the hit I took on my head during military days, or maybe I’m still remembering things? I doubt it. I have to get back home after work and clean up. “I just hope I catch Erwin on time,” I think worriedly.

By the time I finished working, it was already noon. I had to run back home and change as quickly as possible. I rush to the bar, thankfully it isn’t far from where I live. Glancing inside the bar’s window, I spot Erwin sitting in the same place as yesterday night. I let out a big sigh and take a few breaths to slow down my panting. “A cup of tea would be heavenly right now,” I joke to myself.

Walking inside the bar, I wave at Erwin. He greets me back with a smile and bows his head slightly.

“You look like today’s weather,” Erwin chuckles.

I tilt my head in confusion. He responds by standing up, taking my hand, and twirling me once in my short floral yellow dress.

“All the rain last night was totally worth it,” he says dreamily.

My cheeks redden as I look down. I glance at the window and realize how beautiful the weather is. I didn’t get the chance to notice as I was rushing the minute I woke up.

“Care to try some new tea flavors?” Erwin smiles while heading to the door.

“Yes sir!” I cheered, following him to the outside.

Erwin motions his hand. “Wait here,” he whistles with his index and thumb fingers. Moments later, a huge elegant white horse comes over. I gasp in amazement, going over to its head to pet it.

“What a beautiful girl you are.”

“How did you know it’s a girl?” Erwin asks.

“I don’t know, just a feeling,” I explained. Looking at him, “how far is the shop?” I asked.

Erwin replies as he lends out his hand to help me get on, “it’s in the outskirts of town.”

I get on the horse by myself. “Ready when you are,” I tease.

He raises his eyebrows and smirks as he gets on as well, “Military girl?” he asks but it feels more like a statement.

“How’d you know?”

“Just a feeling,” he winks.

Erwin starts guiding the horse as I hold on to him.

Paradis truly is beautiful, especially in this sunny weather. The wind blows through my hair as we ride around town. I needed to relax, mainly because of the nightmares I had. I couldn’t help but feel bad after them. They really take a toll on me. But breathing the clean air as we get near the outskirts is so refreshing. “Holding onto this big gentleman is refreshing as well, I won’t lie,” I think to myself and chuckle lightly. Erwin smells of woodlands with a hint of citrus, I never found that attractive until now. I blush, holding him tighter.

Erwin pats my hand around his waist and points, “The shop is right over there,” I nod.

As we arrive, Erwin comes down the horse and offers his hand to help me down. I take his hand but he decides to hold my waist making me rest my hands on his shoulders as he gets me down.

“Be careful with that dress, y/n,” he chuckles.

I hit his arm, blushing crazily at the grip of his strong hands, “I could have gotten down by myself, you know.”

Erwin laughs softly at my rosy cheeks while walking towards the shop.

I follow him, looking at the exterior of the shop. It was a beautiful little wooden tea shop with different types of flowers growing from the small garden in front of it. I run my hand touching the flowers and gasp in awe of how pretty they look.

Erwin holds the door open for me as I enter. Hearing the shop’s bell ring, “Hello, hello…you’ve got a new customer,” he calls out.

I don’t see anyone around but seconds later I hear a deep soft yet sharp voice.

“Coming,” the voice said.

Walking out of a doorway in the back, a calm straight black-haired man walks towards us. I saw his eyes widen for a second at the sight of me. He clears his throat before greeting us.

“Hello, welcome.”

“Y/n, this is Levi. He’s the tea expert I told you about.”

I bit the tip of my tongue once I heard that name. Levi…Levi…why does that feel familiar to my tongue?

I reach my hand to shake him but he manages to reach his hand first.

He shakes my hand, making eye contact with his somewhat intimidating grey eyes.

“Nice to meet you, I’m y/n.”

I break our eye contact by looking around the shop.

“Beautiful place you got here.”

“Uh- thank you” Levi blurts.

I turn my back to them looking around the shop, I can feel Levi intensely staring at me.

“So, I-uh…I’m looking for-“ Erwin cuts me off.

“Ah yes, I told y/n we will be trying out new tea flavors.” Erwin slightly leans closer to me and rests his hand on my back. “You must be parched by now,” he smiles.

I touch the back of my neck in shyness. “Maybe a little,” I mumble.

“Right, come this way.” Levi guides us to a room in the back, the same one he came out of.

It looks like a small wooden dining room with an emerald colored couch and a little kitchen at the far back of the room. The glass windows look over a breathtaking garden, bigger than the one in front.

As I stand admiring the view, Levi notices. “Oh, that. I had to grow my own garden so I could make different tea flavors,” he boasts.

“How wonderful, a tea expert indeed.” Erwin teases and I chuckle softly.

Levi gives him a fierce side eye while pulling out a chair at the dining table.

“Take a seat” he directs me. I sit down as Erwin pulls a chair for himself, “However, his expertise lacks some manners” he jokes.

Levi slaps the back of Erwin’s head as he walks towards the kitchen to prepare us the tea.

I laugh at them lightly. I can tell these two knew each other for some time.

Looking over at Levi, I wondered why his name felt easy on my tongue, especially because I haven’t seen him around before. I think I would remember a man like that. Something about his expressionless calm demeanor catches my attention.

Shortly afterward, Levi comes over with our cups of tea.

“I’m working on perfecting this flavor, tell me what you think” he asserts, looking at me.

I nod as I excitedly lift the cup to taste. Taking my first sip, I immediately raise my eyebrows at the taste of it.

“This. tastes. amazing.” I emphasize each word.

I catch Levi smiling while looking down at his cup before he quickly turns back to his blank face.

His smile…it made my heart ache for a second, not knowing why. I clench my chest lightly as I cough.

“You alright, y/n?” Levi asks as Erwin pats my back.

“Y-yeah, just choked on how tasty it is” I chuckle and Erwin laughs.

Levi leaves the table and picks up a small box from the kitchen. Handing it to me, he stands near my seat, “If you liked it so much, here.”

The box contains a few more tea bags of the same flavor.

“Oh wow, thank you. I would love to have this with my breakfast.” I express in an appreciative tone.

“Tsk, just don’t choke on them” Levi scoffs, and I laugh embarrassedly.

After we finish our tea, Erwin and I head to the door as Levi stands behind us. Holding the box, I turn to him smiling with rosed cheeks, “I’ll be back.”

“You’re welcome anytime,” he notes while smirking.

Levi seems like an interesting person yet very mysterious. But, I don’t understand why I’m experiencing this. His name…his smile…how does it ring a bell when I have never met this man before?

I plan on speaking to Hange about this, and my recent nightmares. They know the most about my head injury.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hange and I had a serious conversation that left me in shambles.

* * *

I was hoping to meet up with Hange today. They’re often around the town’s rehab center, conducting researches on different types of patients. I’ve known them since the Survey Corps. Without them, it would have been real difficult as they were the one informing us about important finds. I also remember them being by my side during the head injury, helping me regain some of the memories I have lost.

As I enter the rehab center, I ask for Hange at the front desk, “Hi, I was wondering if Hange is around today?”

“Yes they are, who’s asking?” The nurse replies.

“Tell them it’s y/n, from the Survey Corps,” I state. The nurse nods as she gets up to call them.

Looking around and seeing all these patients, I wondered if I have fully recovered from my head injury. Could it be that I’m still missing a few memories? There’s no way, my friends have been helping me ever since. Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Jean, all of them were nothing but my support, reminding me if I ever felt lost. But, I’ve still yet to find out.

As I’m deep into my thoughts, I didn’t notice the sudden arms jumping at me and hugging from behind.

“Don’t tell me you forgot about me!” Hange exclaims.

Startled at their sudden hug and gasping for air, “Fuck, I can’t even if I tried,” I laugh teasing them.

“Aw come on, you know you’d be lost without me,” Hange pouts giving me puppy eyes.

I chuckle pinching their cheek playfully, “Can’t argue with that.”

“Let’s go to my office,” Hange says as they grab my hand and walk to the corridor.

Entering the office, Hange throw themselves on the chair letting out a big sigh as they stretch their arms. I sit on the edge of their desk near them.

“Long day?”

“More like boring day, I’m glad you showed up.” Hange expresses.

Smiling at them, I notice Hange’s sudden moment of realization while they look out the window.

“Oh! I saw you with Erwin the other day. I take it you finally met?” 

“What do you mean finally?” I questioned confusedly.

“Oh I- um. I just meant-“ They stutter ignoring my question.

“Hange…I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” I state in a serious tone.

“Am I missing something? Is there anything more you can add for me?” I demand.

They let out a deep sigh as they get up, but I quickly grab their hand, squeezing it lightly.

“I know…I know. You helped me so much, and I really don’t know what I would’ve done without you,” I plead.

They cross their arms, observing my despair, “Alright. Tell me what’s happening.” Hange orders.

“The nightmares are back and they’re awful, my head hurts, and I keep having these weird moments of deja vu where something feels familiar but I can’t wrap my head around it and I feel lost and I don’t know I just-“ I whine continuously, almost losing my breath.

“Slow down.” Hange breaks their seriousness giggling at me. “Moments of familiarity you say?” They ponder holding their chin to the thought. “Listen…” Hange lowers their voice as they lean next to me on the desk.

Gazing out the window, Hange warns, “The doctor said you will remember everything by yourself eventually. Triggering memories every time could cause further damage. The rest is on you.”

“On me? How do you expect me to remember? It’s not fucking magic!” I blurt with anger.

“Yes it is, here, abracadabra,” Hange flicks and pushes my forehead with their finger.

“Tsk, you don’t understand…” I mumble lowering my head as I feel the tears filling up my eyes.

“You don’t understand how hard it is to live with this void inside. Living everyday with a huge part of you…lost. Not knowing how to get it back,” I croaked feeling the soreness of my throat as I hold back my tears.

Hange attempts to comfort me as they put their hand on my shoulder, but I push them away.

“Forget it” I said dismissively, walking to the door to leave.

“Wait!” Hange grabs my hand and pulls me towards them, “The only memory you fail to remember is the most traumatic.”

They sigh lowering their head in shame, “I made sure no one would help you, hoping you would regain it by yourself someday.”

They look into my eyes concerned, “I thought it would be better for you to live without it but, if it took a great bite of you then…”

Hange pulls me in for a tight hug and whispers, “Just follow your heart. Follow what feels familiar…until you finally remember.”

Burying my face in their neck, I couldn’t help but break down. With a million thoughts rushing through my head I wondered, what possibly could have made the emptiness grow inside me as I live without it? Was it that important to me?

I went home after my emotional conversation with Hange, hoping to have the rest of the day for myself. Once I laid my head on the pillow, I closed my eyes thinking. I was right, my hunch was right, there is something more to this emptiness and I have to find it out.

Remembering the tea Levi gave me, I decide to make myself some to relax.

As I wait for the kettle to boil, I grab my favorite cup from the cupboard.

Holding it as I gaze deeply in thought, I suddenly recalled one of Levi’s tea cups looking exactly like mine.

“But,” I mumble to myself. “But mine is custom made…”

The sound of the boiling kettle snaps me back to reality. Brushing my finger over the cup’s design, I thought I should visit him tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to visit Levi today. My stomach aches to the thought of spending time with him alone, for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!

* * *

My heart is racing, blood rushing through my body, my vision becomes blurred as I flee. There was no place to hide. Using the last of my fuel, I swing around the towering forest trees with my ODM gear, not knowing where to go. My mind numbs as I remember his laying body covered in blood. He was in my arms, and I couldn’t help. We promised to protect each other, but I failed.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry” I sobbed.

The fuel ran out as I was mid-air, making me fall from a great height right on my head.

*

Gasping for air as I wake up and lift my head swiftly from the office desk, I feel tears streaming down my face.

Gaining back my consciousness, I hear knocking on the door.

“Come in,” I answer as I wipe my tears and feel my breathing slow down.

The door opens and I see Armin coming in with a big smile on his face.

“Hey y/n!” He beamed but his smile immediately fades as he sees the paleness of my face.

“Armin.” I breathe walking over to him. Aching for an embrace, I throw myself in for a hug.

“Y/n! A-are you okay? W-what happened?” Armin stammers as he holds me tightly, caressing my back.

“I just dozed off and saw a nightmare,” I sighed as I let go. Holding his hand with both of mine, I apologize for worrying him.

“Come on in.” I invite him over.

Armin takes a seat as he looks concerned at me. Examining my expressions, he wonders “Since when have they been back?”

“Probably two weeks ago,” I guessed as I walk back to my chair.

As I sit down, I notice a puddle of tea on the floor. I must’ve spilled it by mistake when I woke up frantically from the nightmare.

Armin notices as well and gets up to help me wipe it.

“Have you been drinking a lot of tea?” Armin chuckles handing me more tissues.

Thinking about it, I guess I have. Especially the tea Levi gave me, it tastes so good. Somehow, it helps ease the emptiness.

“I guess,” I smile softly at Armin. “I went to this tea shop outside town, I’ve been kind of addicted to one of its flavors.”

Armin’s face goes blank for a second without him being aware as he puts away my cup from the floor. “Oh. Just don’t drink _too_ much, y/n” He cautions.

I wondered about his sudden seriousness, but knowing Armin, he’s been very caring towards me ever since my injury.

“So! Tell me what’s up.” I bubbled. Armin smiles as he passes me a poster.

“We have plans this weekend!” He cheers as I read the poster.

I read that there will be a festival at the town square this upcoming weekend. My eyes sparkle as I went through the poster.

Throwing my arms up, I cheer “Yes! Finally some fun! Have you told the others?”

“Mikasa and Eren so far, I’ll tell the rest after I leave.” He explains excitedly.

“Better hurry then, I know Sasha will be dreaming of the festival food this whole week.” I laugh as I hold his shoulders to turn his body towards the door and smack his ass with the poster.

Armin chuckles as he blushes. Waving at me, “See ya!” He giggles while walking out.

Sitting back at my desk chair, my smile slowly fades as I remember my plan to visit Levi this afternoon. I’m a little nervous but, I’m determined to know more about him.

Some time after work, I take a horse carriage to the outskirts. I feel the butterflies in my stomach the closer we get to the shop.

As we arrive, I see Levi in the front garden, picking up some flowers.

He notices as I get down and walks towards me.

“Thought you’d come sooner.” His face looks so gentle as he gives me one of the flowers he’s holding.

“Oh…well. I-“ I stutter blushing as I take the flower. His gentleness took me by surprise.

“Come inside,” he spoke with his deep voice as I nod, still blushing.

Going inside, Levi turns the shop’s sign to “closed”.

“You’re closing already?” I asked.

With his hands in his pockets, he walks to the back room. “No. Just thought we can sit down and talk over afternoon tea, without any…” he stops for a second looking at me, and lowers his voice “distractions.”

My stomach hit me with a sudden ache of butterflies. Damn it, this guy is a mystery I need to solve.

I bite my lower lip as I follow him to the back.

I sit on the emerald couch as Levi goes to the kitchen to make us tea. I still can’t get over the view of the beautiful garden. The afternoon sun shines through the flowers and leaves.

Moments later, Levi serves the tea as he sits across me.

“Need more tea bags?” He asks as he takes a quick sip, maintaining eye contact with his sharp grey eyes.

I chuckle touching my neck, “Ah, I might have to cut back a little. I think too much caffeine is giving me nightmares.”

After Armin visited me at my office, I was thinking about his warning. It made me realize that I might have been drinking too much tea.

Levi snickers as he puts down his cup, “It’s caffeine-free.”

“However,” he comes over to sit beside me. “The tea I gave you is…special.” Levi hinted.

“Special? How?” I asked gazing into his eyes but looking back down at my cup as I realized how close he is.

“It helps soothe your mind” Levi whispers as he puts his hand gently on the back of my head, softly caressing the spot of my injury.

Instinctively, I squeeze his hand. Looking at him anxiously, I whimper “You know…”

His eyes darken as he gazes into mine “I do. But you forgot.”

“Then help me remember.” I loosen my grip and hold his hand instead.

Levi’s expressions ease up to my touch as he speaks softly, “Hasn’t my tea been helping you?”

I smile closing my eyes, feeling the touch of his hand move down to the back of my neck, “If you count nightmares as help, I guess.” I tease lightly as he smiles genuinely.

Hange told me to follow what feels familiar. Being with Levi right now feels…warm. Like a ray of sunshine on a chilly day. I didn’t know how soft he would be with no one around. I wanted so much to remember everything at this moment. Every inch of my body aches to the touch of his hand, it was as if my body has a memory of its own. I want to remember, I _need_ to remember.

“Levi…” I call softly looking down at my empty teacup as I feel his gaze on me.

“This cup looks exactly like mine but…mine was customized” I shared.

He takes the cup from my hand, showing me the inside of the handle.

My eyes widen as I feel my heart skip a beat looking at the handle. It had the first letters of our first names.

“That’s because we ordered them…together.” He sighs lowering his voice, “We used to have our special tea time whenever we could…“ I heard a crack in his voice as he looks helplessly at me.

He waited for me to speak but I couldn’t utter a word. I was lost in thought, completely overwhelmed by the pain of forgetting. It felt like there was something special between us, and it hurts so much that I can’t remember.

“Hey. look at me.” Levi snaps me back by grabbing my face and caressing my cheek with his thumb. As my mouth slightly gapes in shock, I feel my eyes tearing up.

Our faces are inches away, I could feel his breath quicken as he gazes deeply into my eyes.

“I’ll help you remember,” Levi whispers as he gently presses his soft lips on mine.

It feels as if time stopped and we were the only ones in this world. My body tingled as his lips met mine, and I wanted nothing but to give in. I feel the emptiness filling up with butterflies. Feeling weak to his touch, he cups my face leaning closer to me while pressing harder on my lips.

The conflict between my lost mind and my aching body was too much to bear. I pull back as our lips grow apart making a soft sound.

The pain in my throat grows harder to handle as I hold back my tears. Getting the sudden urge to get up, I push him away.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry” I whimper covering my mouth, trying hard not to break down. As I rush to the door, I feel Levi chasing me.

“Y/n, Hold on!” He calls desperately as I leave.

I hop onto the nearest carriage I find to get away from everything.

A painful look on his face was the last thing I saw before watching the shop grow farther and farther away. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thankfully, the weekend is here, and I can’t wait to get my mind off things. Having fun with my friends at the festival is exactly what I need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! There's one more chapter left, I hope you're enjoying it so far :)

* * *

Levi’s desperate kiss was all I thought about the whole week. I couldn’t get him off my mind. The way he gazed into my eyes, begging for me to remember what was between us, broke me. I don’t know what I was to him, or he was to me, but I can tell it left both of us empty.

I threw away the tea Levi gave me, it triggered nightmares every time I drank it. I couldn’t handle the sleepless nights anymore, even though I had a strong feeling the nightmares were only my mind trying to recollect the missing pieces. As much as I want my memories back, maybe Hange was right, maybe I _am_ better off without them.

Thankfully, the weekend is here, and I can’t wait to get my mind off things. Everything has been pretty overwhelming lately, but I know having fun with my friends this evening is exactly what I need.

I hear a knock on the door as I’m getting ready for the festival. “Y/n!! You ready to go?” Sasha yells. I look through the peephole finding Sasha’s large mouth covering it, as well as Connie and Jean, standing.

“We better stuff that big mouth of yours soon.” I giggle as I’m opening the door. Sasha skips inside with a child-like smile on her face, Connie and Jean follow.

“I heard your crush Niccolo is gonna be there.” Connie elbows Sasha teasing her as she gets flustered. I join Connie in teasing Sasha but then I notice Jean’s awkward silence. This obviously isn’t like him.

“Alright guys, wait for me in the living room. I’m almost finished.” I turn to Jean, “Hey, can I talk to you for a second?”

“Uh. S-sure,” Jean stutters as I pull his hand leading him to my room.

Going into my room, Jean blushes while avoiding eye contact, “Listen, I-I apologize for-“

I grab his face forcing him to look at me, “Come on, don’t act all awkward.”

Jean’s face burns up to my touch as I lean in to kiss the corner of his mouth, “Don’t worry about it” I whispered teasing him.

Jean bites his lower lip looking at me, “Damn it, you know what this does to me.”

“Then get your ass out, I gotta hurry up and finish” I push him playfully but he leans in and steals a kiss.

“That’s what you get for teasing me.” He smirks as he walks out of my room.

I raise my eyebrows to his sass as I mumble, “Idiot.”

I start to hurry so we can meet up with the others.

We arrive at the town square and the festival has already started. The square is crowded, but it looks exciting as there are all different types of shops to check. There’s food, games, music, light shows, and literally everything.

“Oi y/n! Right here!” I notice Eren calling us from afar as he waves. We meet up with him, Armin, and Mikasa. Everybody is filled with excitement as we grasp our surroundings.

Armin gathers us, “Okay okay, let’s plan this out so everybody has fun. First, we should-“

“Foooooood!!!” Sasha screams running to the food corner, dragging Connie with her.

Armin sighs in disappointment as Jean and I laugh at him.

“I think we should spread out and meet up later, yeah?” I suggest as Armin nods in agreement.

Jean turns to Eren, “Hey blockhead, I challenge you to one of those games over there.”

“Bring it on, horse face.”

“I’ll beat both your asses, and you know it.” I challenge them as we race to the games corner.

Armin and Mikasa decide to check the less crowded areas.

Jean, Eren, and I played game after game and our scores were tied. Until we reached the final game to settle our scores, they run to it as I get separated from them in the crowd.

I try to reach them but I lost the way as the crowds got bigger in time for a fireworks show.

“I’ll just let them settle it” I mumble to myself smiling as I stand waiting for the show.

Moments later, the fireworks show begins and people start cheering and clapping. As I’m cheering, I feel the crowds getting tighter, and people are squeezing onto each other. I try to ignore it but I start to feel a little lightheaded as it was hard to breathe with the crowds.

With every vibrant explosion, the sounds get louder and louder, until I fell to the ground. Clenching my chest, I gasp for air as I start to panic. My vision becomes blurred as my heart pounds inside my chest.

I can’t breathe.

Nobody seems to notice.

Someone, please help me.

A sudden hand reaches for me through the crowds. I look up hoping to see their face but my vision is too hazy.

I grab their hand and they quickly pull me into their embrace, holding my head against their chest.

Clutching onto their back, I feel myself calm down slowly.

With my face buried in their chest, I smell flowers with a hint of…soap.

Then it clicked.

This is the trigger my mind needed.

Flashbacks started rushing through my head as I cling to them. I felt a throbbing headache as all the memories flashed before my eyes, remembering every single piece I lost.

My heart was pounding to the mixture of painful and beautiful memories.

Until I remembered the last mission before my head injury.

I look up in shock as my mouth gapes.

“Captain?” I whimper clutching his chest.

His gray eyes widen in shock looking deeply into mine, trying to find his words.

Tears started streaming down my face as I realized it was him.

It was really him.

The one I held into my arms as he was drowning in blood.

The one I thought I left behind to die.

The one I promised to stay with forever, protecting each other.

“Oh, Levi…” I sobbed throwing myself into his arms, burying my face in his neck.

He wraps his arms around my waist tightly, holding me closer into his embrace.

“You’re back…you’re finally back,” Levi whispers weakly as he lays his forehead on my shoulder.

We hold onto each other as the sky brightens with colorful lights.

“I thought you were gone…I thought you-” I sniffled.

Levi grabs my face, making my forehead rest on his.

“No, I survived…so did Erwin. But…” His voice cracks as his eyes tear up, “By the time I came back, you had already forgotten us…”

He cups my face as he starts to cry.

“I was ordered to stay away, for your own health. B-but I can’t. I can’t do that anymore, y/n.” Levi weeps.

I wipe his tears as our lips inches away from each other, “I’m sorry I forgot you. I’m so sorry…” I soothed.

Closing my eyes, I feel a tight grip pulling me away from Levi.

“Stay away from y/n,” Eren growls at Levi as he stands in front of me.

Levi’s eyes darken as he walks up slowly to Eren’s face and lowers his voice, “Make me.”

Eren shoves Levi back, “You’ve caused enough pain!” He yells.

Levi grabs Eren by his shirt and kicks him to the ground, “Fucking brat.” He quickly takes my hand before Eren reacts and we start running.

“W-wait! Where are we going?” I asked.

Levi’s grip tightens as he leads, “Shut up, you’re coming with me.”

I held on to his hand tightly as we ran, completely surrendering myself to him.


End file.
